I know what you’re thinking. Memes are pretty straightforward, right? I mean it says right on the meme what it’s all about, duh.
What if I told you there is a hidden message that only truly great masters can understand? Ancient wisdom passed down through the ages must be hidden in the most archaic forms of art, philosophy, and religion. Those of lucky enough to find this wisdom can indubitably become better versions of ourselves.
Out of the kindness of my heart, I have decided to use my training in the art of faux jutsu from the great lineage of Pul Ur Leg and the Five Farces to interpret martial memes for you.
1.
In this first meme we have the ubiquitous and obligatory martial arts master with excessive facial hair. As we all know, the whiter and longer the hair, the more wisdom and fractious the master. It is essential to note the length and prodigious volume of the eyebrows. As the saying goes, “Eyes are the window to the soul” and in this case, the soul is mostly curmudgeonly from the eyelids holding up so much impressive fuzz. Note that the tone of the meme is on the slightly petty side. Perhaps his students forgot to “mow the grass” that morning, a martial technique only taught to the most serious prodigies.
2.
This next meme is surely a tricky one. At first glance it seems obvious that the student is merely messing up because he gained the notice of his instructor. If you look carefully can see that this student is demonstrating the reverse crane kick. In the Karate Kid, a visual interpretation of an ancient karate scroll cleverly disguised as a cinematic masterpiece, we see the first version of this technique, the crane kick. Of course, the masters that put forth the Karate Kid could not allow the crane kick and this technique be connected lest they give away their ancient information to any old fanboy or fangirl. They decided to hide this gem in bowels of the interwebs so that those that are clever enough can find it.
3.
Everyone loves memes with animals. After all, animals are the cutest and fuzziest of all creation, especially monkeys. Who wouldn’t look at this and think “Awww, kung fu monkeys, isn’t that cute!” By all appearances this monkey is especially cute in a karate gi and his well-earned black belt. Or is he?
Deep in the jungles of Hollywood there are tablets that speak of an ancient prophesy. A prophesy so terrifying that the glacial winds of the heebie-jeebies will freeze your very soul. It is said that this prophesy shows that these seemingly harmless creatures will learn martial arts and take over the world. Humankind will be lulled into stupefied and moronic state by watching these monkeys “perform” their martial arts shenanigans. And when they least expect it, the monkeys will karate chop them in the knees and make them rue the day they ever taught them kung fu.
4.
Ah, Chuck Norris. Classic memes at their finest. Many things have been said about Chuck on the internet. He is credited with many extraordinary talents. Chuck is said to have defeated death itself and mete out punishment to the unruly anytime and anywhere in the form of invisible kicks. Many think that these memes are merely a rib-tickler about a normal man run amok (or is that aChuck?). I submit to you that this is truly not the case. Rather, these are pages from the Bible of Norrisium, written by the Cult of Chuck. They believe that he is the god of the dark web, here to scare everything and get it under his will. And it would seem that it’s working.
5.
Considering that the martial arts often attracts the great unwashed (aka young teenage boys) it should come as no surprise that personal hygiene, especially nail cutting, is a major issue in the dojo. But that’s not what we are seeing here in this meme.
This meme is a clear representation of a master who decided to throw in his lot with trainers to teach martial skills to creatures regularly captured for what is reported to be glorified wrestling matches. These creatures delight in fighting one another but regularly are defeated and need to level up in their fights to gain new skills. Obviously each trainer wants the creatures to win on a regular basis so paying a master to teach their minions how to win fights is de rigueur. When these little creatures peek at you through their trainers legs they seem pretty harmless, then they move toward you and out come the pointy things on their brightly colored bodies. Just like white belts in the dojo, the novices are the most dangerous creatures of all. Obviously, teaching grappling skills to a bunch of spiked out, large toothed, and clawed noobs is hazardous.
Well! There you go my friends! I hope you feel more enlightened and will consider the hidden meaning of memes next time you encounter one on the Facebook!
Sayonara.
The Modern Kunoichi 