Monday’s Martial Madness: Always Gonna Lift You Up (Never Gonna Give You Up Parody. Ha ha! I Rick Rolled You!)

Or, you’ll throw off the No Touch Dude’s Groove!

*Author’s note: I realize that the people who will get this without traipsing across the Interwebs are legit martial arts players: average Joes and Janes who train in certified dojos. So, for the sake of you NOOBS, I will give a short explanation. “No-touch” martial arts are practiced by those who believe they can summon, at will, their own “chi energy” and use it to throw people, block punches, knock people down, and otherwise control others (see below video).

The blonde dude is trying to protect himself with his “energy shield.” How’s that going for you pal?

It’s as fake as it sounds, and yet it persists. So, for the love all that’s sane and real, here is a lovely little parody.

Verse 1:
We're no strangers to touch,
It's overruled, cuz they'll comply
Non-resistance is what I'm dreaming of
You wouldn't learn this from any other guy
Seems legit
Pre-chorus 1:
I just wanna show you how I'm healing
Gotta make you a proponent
Who would want to?
Chorus:
Always gonna lift you up
Always gonna knock you down
Always gonna run around, and contort you
Always gonna make you fly
Always gonna wish you died
Always gonna lie and subvert you.
Awwwwww, but I want to BOOP YOU!
Verse 2:
We haven't practiced, for too long
Our heart's been aching, we're not too shy to fake it
Your hard earned money's what we're dreaming of
We both know the game, and we're gonna play it
*no comment necessary*
Pre-chorus 2:
And, if you ask me how I'm stealing
Baby, you're too dumb to see
I think this speaks for itself. A little too loudly.
Chorus:
Always gonna lift you up
Always gonna knock you down
Always gonna run around, and contort you
Always gonna make you fly
Always gonna wish you died
Always gonna lie and subvert you.
Always gonna lift you up
Always gonna knock you down
Always gonna run around, and contort you
Always gonna make you fly
Always gonna wish you died
Always gonna lie and subvert you.
I get a case of the dumbs, because it’s contagious.
Bridge:
(Oooooooh, give it up?) 
(Oooooooh, give it up?) 
(Oooooooh) Never gonna give, never gonna give (give it up)
(Oooooooh) Never gonna give, never gonna give (give it up)
To insanity and beyond!
Verse 3:
We've known better, for so long
We've all been faking, but none us is will say it
Besides, we're all keen for some goings on
We know the game and we're gonna play it
Yes, let the Dark Farce flow through you.
Pre-chorus 3:
Fame, we're gonna get till we're reeling
In the dough you gave to us
Chorus:
Always gonna lift you up
Always gonna knock you down
Always gonna run around, and contort you
Always gonna make you fly
Always gonna wish you died
Always gonna lie and subvert you.
Always gonna lift you up
Always gonna knock you down
Always gonna run around, and contort you
Always gonna make you fly
Always gonna wish you died
Always gonna lie and subvert you.
The Most Legit NO TOUCH Martial Arts EVER.
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2 thoughts on “Monday’s Martial Madness: Always Gonna Lift You Up (Never Gonna Give You Up Parody. Ha ha! I Rick Rolled You!)

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