Monday’s Martial Madness: If You Can’t Beat ‘Em, Join ‘Em…Brazilian Edition.

Facebook sensation, Martial Arts Humor, recently posted a carefully curated clip of a Brazilian LEO performing deadly martial arts tactics, in public. As we all know, Brazilians love to party, and with partying comes many Latin style dances, including their beloved Samba. In Brazil, the Samba has lots of hip swaying, flying footwork, voluminous feathers, and naked butt-cheeks (see clip below). Being a passionate people, Brazilians take their samba, and cachaça (click link for more info) very seriously.

You can either take my word for it about the butt cheeks, or watch at your own risk.

Now let’s say a samba party is getting more sultry, er, I mean, out of control by the minute. Samba dancers are drunk out their minds and the dancing is turning into an inebriated-version of Capoeira (see clip below). You’re the LEO called in to bring order to the chaos. Feathers are flying, butt cheeks are vigorously bumping each other (as in a person’s butt checks are hitting each other, not other people, although that’s been known to happen too), arms, legs, and bodies are chaotically flailing around like telephone poles in an F-5 tornado.

As a combat-trained veteran of the streets, your instincts kick in and you immediately take your fighting stance. You attempt to corral the host of the party, but so many gyrating bodies are in the way that you find yourself hiding more than seeking. The usual grappling you’ve learned in your local Gracie (jiu jitsu) gym isn’t helping because the inebriated guests are impervious to your arm bar. Try as you might, you cannot arrest anyone, not to mention the amount of pain you’ve endured to this point because flailing legs means bruised shins and erratic arm movements means a black eye, or two. Not to mention the feathers that somehow made it into your underpants.

Actual scenes from the party…

As you consider your options, you decide it isn’t worth it to keep trying to fight a losing battle. Instead you turn your combat techniques into the best dance moves at the party (see clip below). Next thing you know, it’s 2 pm the next day and Sarge is calling.

The New Martial Arts Dance Craze: Sambady Get Me Some Handcuffs, Cuz I’m Submittin’ E’erbody Up in Here Fu.

It just goes to show you: If you can’t bring the party to the law, you might as well bring the law to the party and get up offa that thang’…till you feel better.

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