It’s that time again boys and girls for that magical, mystical ride into the untold wisdom of the Cookie of Fortune. Not to be confused with the Wheel of Fortune of course. You can eat a cookie, but a wheel won’t work out for you because a rolling wheel will gather no floss.

Today’s uninhibited jaunt into the wonders of wisdom found in tiny, delicious cookies features a very high-brow communique. The words alone on the tiny wisdom scroll will metamorphosize your whole life.

Watch below as I punctiliously reveal today’s sage utterances…

“Make Serious Decisions in the Last Few Days of the Month.”

Ah, yes. The ol’ “Time waits for no one, so you better get your act together by the end of the month you inattentive rationalization of an anthropoid!” saying. You know, the one where you have to gather all your sorts and get them together by the last day of the month?

Once your sorts are gathered you have to decide what to do with them. Sorting sorts is serious business and since you are lazy and wait till the end of the month, this puny paper of perspicacity is co-dependently making it okay for you to get all out of sorts, then resort to resorting your sorts. That sort of thing leads to mass confusion and contusions because sorts are notoriously prone to obtuseness, after a sort.

But, one may ask, what kinds of serious decisions could one make at the end of the month with their sorts? I’m so glad you asked. To start with one must begin a merge sort. Pile them babies up, put them in a sorter, and sort of randomly pick a sort to begin with in your sort through of serious decisions.

The first serious decision I can think of that one would make with sorts is sorting out the men from the boys. I realize that it can be kinda hard to tell sometimes, but it’s important to know which are which, n’est-ce pas? After all, it’s men who reach stuff high up on the shelf. The boys need step stools. But you know, the younger set go from boys to men eventually so, sorting them out keeps the everyone in sorted and less, uuuuuuh, disorganized.

The next laborious resolution you might have to make is a what to do with all your monkeys. A monkey sort is rather touch and go with monkeys loitering on your curtains and sleeping in your sorting bins. But, once you’ve sorted ’em out, there won’t be anymore monkey business to worry about.

Finally, the last bit of sorting left to do during those last days of the month, is finding that special sort, as in that special sort of person *wink, wink*. Uh, huh. UH, HUH. Yep. That’s right, we gonna find you someone special. The sort you wanna hang with and sort out all those feelings. And we’ll call it love.

Aaaaand there you go folks! Another definitive and erudite explanation for those masterful mumblings of magical men.

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