Monday’s Martial Madness: Is It Safe Dance? Or, How to Slap Your Opponents Silly with Russian Dance Fighting (Safety Dance Parody)

Over the millennia, as people turned from fighting to getting along with their neighbors, they needed something to do with all those fighting skills they accumulated. So, to keep their skills sharp many warrior turned to dancing as way to get their groove on AND keep practicing their kata. Capoeira does it, some forms of Indian Martial Arts does it, and apparently, Russians do it too. I’ve combed the internet looking for examples of dancing that came from fighting. Lo and behold, the Russians have done it again. They’ve reversed the trend and have turned dancing into fighting! Who knew?! I’m so impressed by their example I’ve decided to write a song in their honor and celebrate their Dance Fu. The Safety Dance song by Men Without Hats is the best song choice for this little ditty I’ve crafted. I’ve titled my version “Is It Safe To Dance?” because apparently dancing can be deadly. As a refresher, I’ve included the music video of the chosen song. See below. (P.S. It helps if you sing this with a Russian accent with lots of “Da’s!”)

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Monday’s Martial Madness: Always Gonna Lift You Up (Never Gonna Give You Up Parody. Ha ha! I Rick Rolled You!)

Or, you’ll throw off the No Touch Dude’s Groove!

*Author’s note: I realize that the people who will get this without traipsing across the Interwebs are legit martial arts players: average Joes and Janes who train in certified dojos. So, for the sake of you NOOBS, I will give a short explanation. “No-touch” martial arts are practiced by those who believe they can summon, at will, their own “chi energy” and use it to throw people, block punches, knock people down, and otherwise control others (see below video).

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Monday’s Martial Madness: Ninjas in a Winter Wonderland

That horrid white stuff known affectionately to some as “snow” fell here in the Mid-Atlantic yesterday. ALL. DAY. LONG. Which brought to mind ninjas, because ninjas are awesome and it’s Monday. Those are the only two reasons I need for a song parody. I do need to give a shoutout to my child, Bumpkin Bee, for helping me come up with this idea. Go check out his Youtube channel, it’s full of silliness.

Here we go… Ninjas in a Winter Wonderland

Ninja blades, how they glisten
You're afraid, so you stiffen
The ninja nearby are hiding tonight
Ninja in a winter wonderland

In the snow, they'll be hiding
And their time, they'll be biding
To take out their blade and go on their raid
Ninja in a winter wonderland

In the meadow you won't see the ninja
They'll pretend that they're one with the snow
They'll be watching your every move man
But you won't know how close they are, you better go

Later on, they'll conspire
They'll eat frogs and admire
The plans they'll make to disrupt your day
Ninjas in a winter wonderland

The silence screams, are you listening?
Ninja slink, the snow is glistening
They're out of sight, they're ready to strike
Ninja in a winter wonderland

As they whisper out the password
They'll be stalking till the last word
That you'll ever say, cuz they found their prey
Ninja in a winter wonderland.

In the meadow you can't see the ninja
They've been watching your every move
They are ready to snatch your head now
But you will never see them coming

Later on, they'll retire
As they sit by their fire
In their ninja cave, and you in your grave
Ninja in a winter wonderland
Ninja in a winter wonderland.

Here’s a few ninja memes to make your day better:

Monday’s Martial Madness: The True Meaning of Martial Arts Memes

Farce_9

I know what you’re thinking.  Memes are pretty straightforward, right?  I mean it says right on the meme what it’s all about, duh.

What if I told you there is a hidden message that only truly great masters can understand?  Ancient wisdom passed down through the ages must be hidden in the most archaic forms of art, philosophy, and religion.  Those of lucky enough to find this wisdom can indubitably become better versions of ourselves.

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Monday’s Martial Madness: The Art of the Fart (a.k.a. How to Break Wind like a Ninja)

Fart_6

Farts come, and farts go.  We’ve all been there, right? RIGHT?? Hello?? Farts are one of the many major pitfalls of group dynamics.  Some of the great questions of human society are, how does one let one out and not sending the team packing?  How loud is too loud? Is it ok to use the Ninja Fart method?  Can I blame the person next to me without casting suspicion on myself? Was it really THAT bad?

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