Fortune Cookie Wisdom Wednesday

Once upon a time, in a land lost to mist from too many fog machines (old wizards like to put on a show), a magically wizened person of uncertain gender decided to mess with the locals by making crispy, dry, BUT DELICIOUS cookies with little wisdom scrolls hidden in them. On these Lilliputian papers, the wizard would write sayings that were a bit…strange and mystifying. His tiny trick caused quite the stir amongst the people of the village. People found that making decisions based on these mystical crunchy treat’s inner wisdom engendered absolutely nothing in the way of gain, or loss. Still, the wizard had a fat pile of cash that he acquired from the duped village people as they sought an explanation from him.

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Monday’s Martial Madness: The Easter Bunny is Really a Ninja Master, or You Didn’t Know That the Easter Bunny Can Kill You Before You Know He’s There?

Well, that doesn’t bode well for humanity…

Spring has sprung, and all the colors of the rainbow are spewing joy and dancing on the landscape. Most people believe that Spring is a time of celebrating newness and life that comes with rain and sunny skies. Which means, Easter is right around the corner. Many mommies and daddies are already regaling their children with promises of candy and toys left by that wanton, and dangerous creature known as the Easter Bunny.

Oh, you DIDN’T know he’s dangerous?

That’s okay friend, because I’m here to save you from the terror of the Easter Bunny by teaching you his secrets.

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Monday’s Martial Madness: Is It Safe Dance? Or, How to Slap Your Opponents Silly with Russian Dance Fighting (Safety Dance Parody)

Over the millennia, as people turned from fighting to getting along with their neighbors, they needed something to do with all those fighting skills they accumulated. So, to keep their skills sharp many warrior turned to dancing as way to get their groove on AND keep practicing their kata. Capoeira does it, some forms of Indian Martial Arts does it, and apparently, Russians do it too. I’ve combed the internet looking for examples of dancing that came from fighting. Lo and behold, the Russians have done it again. They’ve reversed the trend and have turned dancing into fighting! Who knew?! I’m so impressed by their example I’ve decided to write a song in their honor and celebrate their Dance Fu. The Safety Dance song by Men Without Hats is the best song choice for this little ditty I’ve crafted. I’ve titled my version “Is It Safe To Dance?” because apparently dancing can be deadly. As a refresher, I’ve included the music video of the chosen song. See below. (P.S. It helps if you sing this with a Russian accent with lots of “Da’s!”)

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Monday’s Martial Madness: How to Conquer Your Enemy with Niceness

Today’s world is full of mean people. I get on the internet, step out the door, or look to the left (or sometimes right) and WHAM-O! Mean people everywhere! I suppose their madness comes from a desire to change the universe, or something, and shouting as loudly as possible, threatening death and dismemberment, and generally being a donkey’s hind end is the way to do it.

Or IS IT…?

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Lessons from the Mats: The Principles I Learned After Getting Thrown Under the Bus by a Training Center.

Some time ago, I decided to cross train for a while in another setting, with a couple of different styles. Being dedicated to Ninpo and my organization, I was looking for something to supplement my style. At first things went pretty well, I was getting to know the students and instructors, and beginning to feel comfortable in the environment. Then, something happened and suddenly I was “let out of my contract.” Of course, my initial reaction was shock and dismay. The incident involved me and another student doing a difficult and high-level technique, that neither of us should have been doing. I started to lose control and torqued the other student’s shoulder a little too much, but did not actually injure her. I was basically told I was dangerous and a liability and was not welcome back to their school.

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Monday’s Martial Madness: Always Gonna Lift You Up (Never Gonna Give You Up Parody. Ha ha! I Rick Rolled You!)

Or, you’ll throw off the No Touch Dude’s Groove!

*Author’s note: I realize that the people who will get this without traipsing across the Interwebs are legit martial arts players: average Joes and Janes who train in certified dojos. So, for the sake of you NOOBS, I will give a short explanation. “No-touch” martial arts are practiced by those who believe they can summon, at will, their own “chi energy” and use it to throw people, block punches, knock people down, and otherwise control others (see below video).

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