Fortune Cookie Wisdom Wednesday

Once upon a time, in a land lost to mist from too many fog machines (old wizards like to put on a show), a magically wizened person of uncertain gender decided to mess with the locals by making crispy, dry, BUT DELICIOUS cookies with little wisdom scrolls hidden in them. On these Lilliputian papers, the wizard would write sayings that were a bit…strange and mystifying. His tiny trick caused quite the stir amongst the people of the village. People found that making decisions based on these mystical crunchy treat’s inner wisdom engendered absolutely nothing in the way of gain, or loss. Still, the wizard had a fat pile of cash that he acquired from the duped village people as they sought an explanation from him.

After the villagers ran him out on a rail, he decided to take his chump stump on the road, because walking on rails was precarious. Mythology experts are not certain where the wizard is located, but he must be a gazillionaire by now with the amount of fortune cookies churning out of factories. Because the common layperson cannot seek out that dastardly fortuneteller for his interpretation of his own balderdash, I’ve decided to step in and help the untold masses. I, The Modern Kunoichi, will henceforth clarify, decipher, and otherwise elucidate the wisdom within the cookie.

“Look Ahead or You Won’t Get Ahead”

After a delectable lunch of assorted Asian-ish food stuff, the inevitable cookie of fortune arrived with the check. Being the good American dodo I am, I snatched the one closest to me. The anticipation of that sweet vanilla crumbly confection heightened as I struggled with the idiot-proof cellophane for a few moments. Finally, it was mine to crush, crunch, and wish for more soda so I could get the partially digested treat away from my teeth. As usual, the tiny wisdom scroll fell to the table with a slightly magical whisper. I could just barely hear the tingling of ancient flotsam floating in the air. Eagerly, I squinted at the paper attempting to decipher the blur in front of me. I realized the only way I could understand the untold wisdom of the ages was to get out my reading glasses and put them on my face. Lo, before me lay the most uncanny saying from the bowels of fortune-cookie land. It said, “Look ahead, or you won’t get ahead.”

Proof that I’m not seeing things…

Taken at face value, this particular puny paper of perspicacity is giving me directions. If I look north, I should be walking north, if I look west, I should be heading west. One would think this was rather obvious, but there are a few people out there whose heads are screwed on backwards, thus causing them to walk the wrong way. If you want to head towards the mountains, and they’re getting smaller, you might want to turn around. This tiny tidbit of esoteric mumbo-jumbo is telling those people to get their heads on straight, that way they can see where they are actually going, instead of where they came from.

Perhaps they should go see a chiropractor.

But, I think there is even more cryptic consultations within the sentence of sagacity on the piddling present-day parchment (think how tiny the typesetter must be!). “Ahead” can be interpreted as “a head” and “head” can be interpreted as “coconut” as in “Here, before we even get to the parts that I wanted to talk about, I have to stop, scratch my coconut, spit and ponder a bit.” With that knowledge in my coconut, I see the wisdom of looking at the coconut, to get the coconut.

If you don’t see it, you don’t get and where would my Piña Colada, and that song about Piña Coladas, be?

Poor Lorraine.

You may now go forth and into the world armed with this most astute awareness of getting a head in the world.

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