Monday’s Martial Madness: Is It Safe Dance? Or, How to Slap Your Opponents Silly with Russian Dance Fighting (Safety Dance Parody)

Over the millennia, as people turned from fighting to getting along with their neighbors, they needed something to do with all those fighting skills they accumulated. So, to keep their skills sharp many warrior turned to dancing as way to get their groove on AND keep practicing their kata. Capoeira does it, some forms of Indian Martial Arts does it, and apparently, Russians do it too. I’ve combed the internet looking for examples of dancing that came from fighting. Lo and behold, the Russians have done it again. They’ve reversed the trend and have turned dancing into fighting! Who knew?! I’m so impressed by their example I’ve decided to write a song in their honor and celebrate their Dance Fu. The Safety Dance song by Men Without Hats is the best song choice for this little ditty I’ve crafted. I’ve titled my version “Is It Safe To Dance?” because apparently dancing can be deadly. As a refresher, I’ve included the music video of the chosen song. See below. (P.S. It helps if you sing this with a Russian accent with lots of “Da’s!”)

You can dance if you want to, you can beat your foes behind,
Cause your foes don't dance and if they don't dance,
Heads will be realigned.

Okay, we can slap if we want to, on their face we will remind,
With our hands and our feet we stamp to a beat!
That only we can find.

We can dance, and sting!
DA! We can fight where we want to, we are sprung and fully spry,
And we can slam them beats cause our feet are so fleet,
We surmise as we kick their eyes!

I say, we can spin if we want to, we can body check you with skills,
And you can't act real rude, or start a blood feud,
But we'll pirouette on tracheoesophogeal!
I say! We can dance, we can prance, take a public opinion poll!
We're askance, at first glance, but we're moving foe to foe
We advance, we're freelance, do you really want to take a chance?
We enhance, your entranced, it's not just happenstance!

Is it safe dance? 
Privet!  It's safe dance!
O da!  Let's safety dance!
We can prance if we want to, we've got all our foe's behinds,
As long we can use it we, we ain't gonna lose it,
We don't care if you sass and opine!

This way! We can dance if we want to, you can leave your friends behind,
As long as we let looser, they never will defuse us,
Well, our fighters are really primed!
We say, take a chance, we're advanced, in boxing rings we square dance!
We're the max , we enhance, we're doing a slam dance!
We relax, we fan dance, we distract with our hands !
We can dance, we can prance, Why bother taking a chance?

Is it safe dance? 
Privet!  It's safe dance!
O da!  Let's safety dance!
Oh well is it safe to dance?
Oh da! It's safe to dance!
Oh we safely dance yeah!
Oh it's the advance rain dance!
We wear fancy pants!
Well is it safe to dance?
Oh it's our song and dance!
Oh it's pure folk dance!
Oh it's not happenstance!
Oh it's safe to dance!

Now get out there and dance fight!

Giving credit where credit is due: My son, Bumpkin Bee, gave me this idea. Check him out on YouTube!


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